Instant gratification takes too long.
Two of the saddest words in the English language are, ‘What party?’
I was street smart, but unfortunately the street was Rodeo Drive.
You know how they say that religion is the opiate of the masses? Well, I took masses of opiates religiously
You know how most illnesses have symptoms you can recognize? Like fever, upset stomach, chills, whatever.
Well, with manic depression, it’s sexual promiscuity, excessive spending, and substance abuse – and that just sounds like a fantastic weekend in Vegas to me!
Having waited my entire life to get an award for something, anything…I now get awards all the time for being mentally ill. It’s better than being bad at being insane, right? How tragic would it be to be runner-up for Bipolar Woman of the Year?”
I do believe you’re only as sick as your secrets. If that’s true, I’m just really healthy.
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.
You know what’s funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You’d think we could remember finding out we weren’t immortal. Sometimes I see children sobbing airports and I think, “Aww. They’ve just been told.”
(Most of these quotes are from Wishful Drinking
