The news that both Justin Bieber and the boy band One Direction have launched their own lines of perfumes  is not just odd, embarrassing and baffling. It’s also inspiring. If these very rich performers’ very smart handlers have discovered fragrances as a revenue source worth exploiting, why can’t Broadway get hot on the scent as well.

Ads describe Bieber’s Key as a “fruity floral musk fragrance….with decadent notes of vanilla”  and Our Moment by One Direction as ” a vibrant and playful fruity floral fragrance reflecting the essence of One Direction.”

So why not:

Guilty by Spider-Man: The fragrance that you’ll fall for.

L’Eau de Lion King — Brings out the zoo in you.

Wildly Wicked – A scent that turns you green

Eternity at Phantom — A smell like the freshest sewer

Seize The Day by Newsies — the manly smell of newsprint with accents of essence of tap shoe

(Resist) Temptation by The Book of Mormon — a whiff of starched shirt with notes of pepper spray

Chanel No. 42nd Street

Desire, not only Under the Elms

Mortality by Lear, When all you have left is your sense of smell 

(The last three are contributions by Indira Satyendra, @Hudsonette)