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Broadway’s Answer to Justin Bieber and One Direction: Smells That Sell

onedirectionfraganceJustinBieberperfumeThe news that both Justin Bieber and the boy band One Direction have launched their own lines of perfumes  is not just odd, embarrassing and baffling. It’s also inspiring. If these very rich performers’ very smart handlers have discovered fragrances as a revenue source worth exploiting, why can’t Broadway get hot on the scent as well.

Ads describe Bieber’s Key as a “fruity floral musk fragrance….with decadent notes of vanilla”  and Our Moment by One Direction as ” a vibrant and playful fruity floral fragrance reflecting the essence of One Direction.”

So why not:

SpiderManTurnOffTheDark1

Guilty by Spider-Man: The fragrance that you’ll fall for.

Circle of Life Lion King2

L’Eau de Lion King — Brings out the zoo in you.

Wicked Gershwin Theatre

Wildly Wicked – A scent that turns you green

PhantomTristaMoldovanandPanaro1

Eternity at Phantom — A smell like the freshest sewer

Newsies1

Seize The Day by Newsies — the manly smell of newsprint with accents of essence of tap shoe

BookofMormon1

(Resist) Temptation by The Book of Mormon — a whiff of starched shirt with notes of pepper spray

Chanel No. 42nd Street

Desire, not only Under the Elms

Mortality by Lear, When all you have left is your sense of smell 

(The last three are contributions by Indira Satyendra, @Hudsonette)

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About New York Theater

Jonathan Mandell is a 3rd generation NYC journalist, who sees shows, reads plays, writes reviews and sometimes talks with people.

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